By Olivia Bosak | NSLAC Regional Student Board Member

When we hear teen dating violence, what do we picture?
Is it a hallway scuffle?
Is it a toxic relationship TikTok video?
Or maybe the concerning bruise on our friend’s arm?

We see things like this happening in our high schools and across the country, yet no one seems to talk about it loudly enough. 

Sometimes we choose not to talk about teen dating violence because we worry about what people may say or think. But other times, we don’t talk about it because we don’t recognize when it is happening to us. 

Teen dating violence can take many forms: 

• Physical abuse 

• Emotional manipulation 

• Sexual harassment or assault 

• Threats or intimidation 

Many people think that if there are no bruises, then there is no abuse. But dating violence isn’t always physical. In fact, it often starts in subtle ways. 

It might look like someone getting upset every time you hang out with friends.
It might look like them demanding your passwords.
It might look like constantly checking your location. 

At first, it may feel like attention or affection. But when someone tries to control who you talk to, where you go, or how you act, that is not love — that is control. 

Many teens don’t speak up because they’re embarrassed. Some don’t recognize the red flags. Others are afraid no one will believe them. Some don’t want to create drama. And sometimes, they genuinely think the behavior is normal. 

But it’s not normal. And it’s not healthy. 

It’s important to educate each other so we can protect one another from unhealthy, manipulative, and controlling behaviors. 

Still not convinced? Here are some statistics about teen dating violence: 

• Nearly 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. will experience physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner before becoming adults. 

• About 1 in 12 high school students report experiencing physical dating violence. 

• About 1 in 12 high school students report experiencing sexual dating violence. 

• About 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys experience sexual violence during their teen years. 

Recognizing the red flags is important. But knowing where to seek help is even more important, because no one should feel unsafe in their relationship. 

Teens should feel comfortable talking to a parent or trusted adult such as a teacher, counselor, dean, coach, or mentor. There are also confidential hotlines available online, including Love Is Respect. There are many local organizations that can help as well. 

North Suburban Legal Aid Clinic (NSLAC) provides free domestic violence legal aid to residents of Lake County and north suburban Cook County. Even if you are unsure whether what you are experiencing is domestic violence, NSLAC social workers are here to answer questions and provide guidance. If you need support, please contact info@nslegalaid.org or call (847) 737-4042. 

Remember, love should not hurt. 

This blog was written by a student guest writer with input from the NSLAC Law Practice team.