What are Some of the Different Types of Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence or relationship abuse, is any behavior used to gain power and control over a person whether it be a spouse, partner, or a family member. Domestic violence isn’t always physical, it can also be verbal, sexual, financial, digital, or through stalking. With over 12 million individuals impacted annually, domestic violence remains a pervasive nationwide epidemic. Explore detailed insights into the different types of domestic violence and their different signs below. North Suburban Legal Aid Clinic's domestic violence attorneys provide free legal aid services to survivors of domestic violence residing in north suburban Cook County and Lake County.
Why Does Domestic Violence Happen?
Domestic violence is always intentional and driven by the abuser's desire for power and control. It is a common misconception that abuse stems from an abuser’s poor anger management or substance use.
Who Can be a Victim of Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can affect anyone, regardless of gender, age, racial, socioeconomic, educational, or immigration status.
What are the Types of Abuse Present in Domestic Violence?
Abuse can manifest in many ways and it's not always physical. It can also be emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, digital, or through stalking. It is also not uncommon for multiple forms of abuse to be present at the same time. Learn more about the different types of abuse below.
Physical Abuse is any intentional and deliberate violent behavior meant to cause injury, disability, or death to another person.
Examples of Physical Abuse include:
- Hair-pulling, kicking, hitting, slapping or choking
- Throwing items like phones or shoes at you
- Pulling of your clothes or your hair
- Threatening you with weapons such as knives, guns or mace
- Touching you without consent
- Forcing you to perform any sexual act
- Preventing you from leaving
Real-life Examples of Physical Abuse:
Below are examples illustrating signs of physical abuse in real situations. If any of these scenarios resonate with you, we encourage you to seek support.
"During a heated argument, my boyfriend grabbed me by the hair and dragged me across the room."
"My partner got mad and threw a shoe at me, leaving me bruised”
"When I was trying to leave the house, my husband grabbed me by my shirt, ripping it and pulling me back inside."
"My husband threatened me with a knife, saying he would hurt me if I ever talked to another man."
"My partner threatens to leave me if I don't perform the sexual acts he demands."
"During fights, my husband blocks the door, and prevents me from leaving the house."
Emotional and Verbal Abuse involves any non-physical behavior used to negatively impact a person’s mental and psychological health.
Examples of Emotional and Verbal Abuse Include:
- Name callings, insults, humiliation, criticism
- Yelling or screaming at you
- Embarrassing you in front of your family and friends
- Restricting you from seeing or communicating with family and friends
- Damaging property, such as kicking doors, punching walls or throwing objects
- Blaming their abusive behavior on your actions
- Being jealous or your outside relationships
- Accusing you of cheating, flirting or having an affair
- Stalking you, your friends or your family
- Threatening to harm themselves to prevent from ending the relationship
- Threatening to expose your personal details such as immigration status or sexual orientation
Real-life Examples of Emotional Abuse:
Below are examples illustrating signs of emotional and verbal abuse in real situations. If any of these scenarios resonate with you, we encourage you to seek support.
"Whenever my boyfriend and I argue, he calls me mean names and makes me feel worthless."
"My husband doesn't allow me to visit my family or talk to my friends”
"When my boyfriend gets angry, he kicks doors and scares me with his violent outbursts."
"Whenever my boyfriend hits me, he says it's my fault because I provoked him."
"My partner constantly accuses me of cheating, even though I’ve never done anything to make him suspicious."
"Whenever I try to leave my boyfriend, he threatens to harm himself “
“My partner threatens to report my immigration status to authorities if I don't comply with his demands."
Sexual Abuse involves any behavior that forces or coerces someone else into unwanted sexual activity without their consent. This also includes a person’s ability to control a person’s reproductive choices.
Examples of Sexual Abuse Include:
- Unwanted sexual contact, touching or kissing
- Threatening, forcing or pressuring someone into sex or performing sexual acts
- Restricting someone’s access to or use of birth control
- Engaging in sexual contact with someone who is intoxicated, unconscious, or asleep, who is otherwise unable to give clear and informed consent.
- Using sexual insults towards someone.
- Refusal to wear a condom
Real-life Examples of Sexual Abuse:
Below are examples illustrating signs of sexual abuse in real situations. If any of these scenarios resonate with you, we encourage you to seek support.
"My boyfriend touches and kisses me without my consent, even when I clearly tell him to stop."
"My husband constantly pressures me into having sex and threatens to leave me if I refuse."
"My partner hides my birth control pills and tells me I don't need them”
"My boyfriend ignores my request to wear a condom”
Financial Abuse involves controlling a person’s ability to access their finances or provide for themselves through employment or public assistance.
Examples of Financial Abuse Include;
- Monitoring what you buy and spend
- Depositing your paycheck into an account you cannot access
- Forbidding you from working or limiting you work hours
- Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer or coworkers
- Maxing out your credit cards without permission
- Refusing to provide money, food, rent, medicine or clothing
- Using financial circumstances to control you.
Real-life Examples of Financial Abuse:
Below are examples illustrating signs of financial abuse in real situations. If any of these scenarios resonate with you, we encourage you to seek support.
"My partner monitors everything I buy and questions me about every single purchase."
"My husband insists that I deposit my paycheck into his account”
"My boyfriend won't let me take on a full-time job and insist that I stay home”
"My husband maxes out my credit cards without my permission”
"My boyfriend controls all our finances and threatens to cut me off if I don't do what he wants."
Digital Abuse involves using technology, such as texting and social media to stalk, harass, or intimidate a person. This often takes the form of online verbal and emotional abuse.
Examples of Digital Abuse Include:
- Dictating who you can and cannot follow or be friends with on social media
- Using messages and emails to harass, threaten or insult you
- Using social media to monitor your activities
- Posting unflattering or explicit images of you
- Sending, requesting or pressuring you into sending explicit text, photos or videos
- Stealing or pressuring you to share your social media passwords
- Looking through your phone, pictures, text or phone records
- Using technologies like GPS or phone tracking to monitor you
Real-life Examples of Digital Abuse:
Below are examples illustrating signs of digital abuse in real situations. If any of these scenarios resonate with you, we encourage you to seek support.
"My partner dictates who I can follow or be friends with on social media, making me unfollow anyone he disapproves of."
"My ex-boyfriend posted unflattering and explicit pictures of me online without my consent"
"My boyfriend insists that I give him all my social media passwords and gets upset if I refuse."
"My partner regularly looks through my phone, checking my pictures, texts, and call history without my permission."
"My husband uses location tracking apps to monitor my every move and always knows where I am."
"My boyfriend insists that I give him all my social media passwords and gets upset if I refuse."
Stalking occurs when someone repeatedly follows, watches, or harasses another person to make them feel unsafe and afraid.
Examples of Stalking Include:
- Showing up at your home and job unannounced and uninvited
- Sending you unwanted texts, emails, letters or voicemails
- Sending you unwanted items and gifts
- Using other people to investigate your life or social media
- Waiting around places you frequent
- Causing damage to your car, home or property
- Hiring a private investigator to follow you and gather information on you
Real-life Examples of Stalking:
Below are examples illustrating signs of stalking in real situations. If any of these scenarios resonate with you, we encourage you to seek support.
"My ex-boyfriend keeps showing up at my house and workplace unannounced”
“My ex keeps sending me unwanted gifts and items, making me uncomfortable"
"Despite my objections, my ex keeps sending me unwanted gifts and items”
“My stalker gets mutual friends to check my social media and report back on my activities."
"My ex-boyfriend waits outside my gym, trying to 'accidentally' run into me."
Why do Survivors Stay in Abusive Relationships?
For a survivor, identifying that they are in an abusive relationship and choosing to leave takes courage. In cases of abuse, leaving is the most dangerous time for a survivor as their abuser has nothing to lose. On average, survivors leave an abusive relationship 6-8 times, before deciding to leave permanently. Survivors gain more confidence and resources each time they leave.
The reasons why a survivor may choose not to leave can be complex. The list below outlines a few reasons why leaving an abusive relationship can be so difficult.
- Survivors love their abuser
- Economic dependence
- Lack of a support network
- Stigma of a failed marriage
- Religion
- Fear of depriving their children of a parent
- Wanting to believe an abuser promises that the abuse will stop
- Fear of more violence if they leave
- Fear that they will not be believed
Free Legal Assistance from Domestic Violence Attorneys
If you or someone you know needs free domestic violence legal aid, please contact NSLAC at 847-737-4042 or email info@nslegalaid.org. If this is an emergency, please call 911 immediately.
North Suburban Legal Aid Clinic (NSLAC) provides free legal aid to domestic violence survivors living in north suburban Cook County and Lake County, Illinois. NSLAC’s free domestic violence attorneys provide legal support and assistance with orders of protection (for people with a pre-existing relationship), civil no-contact orders (typically used in cases of sexual assault), or stalking no-contact orders (where there might not be a romantic or family relationship, but someone is still fearing for their safety and emotional well-being). Learn more about our domestic violence legal aid services HERE.
Together We Break the Cycle:
It is important that we continue the conversation of domestic violence and healthy relationships. Please share this blog with your friends, and family, and on social media. Through collective awareness, we can continue to shed light on this prevalent issue that affects those around us. Together, we can break the silence and end the cycle of abuse.
Additional Resources;
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Find information on the different kinds of abuse as well as identifying warning signs. Hotlines are open 24/7.
Love is Respect: Find resources on safety planning, how to talk to someone you think might be being abused, you can get individual support from experts on what to do. Hotlines are open 24/7.
North Suburban Legal Aid Clinic: Find additional resources, hotlines, and safety plans.
Sources:
- Types of Abuse: Learn more about the different types of abuse on the Love Is Respect website (2020).
- Understand Relationship Abuse: Find out more about understanding relationship abuse on the National Domestic Violence Hotline website (2021).